the 1st time i cried in my dreams..

i went to bed at 4am, after a long night's chat with a few friends. it seems to me that i'm getting terrible at my sleeping habits, but since i got addicted to sleep late, sometimes so late i can even send my sis to school in the morning and then only i go to bed.

anyway, my dream took place somewhere in peaceful kl. in the dream, i wore exactly what i wore before i went to bed.. green camo tshirt, camel active's cargo pants, denim converse, and my black cap. i was walking from a hill-side town house area heading for the next bus stop when suddenly i bumped into a small lil' boy, 7 years old. How do i know he was 7 years old?

He was ME, when i was 7 years old.

"Why are you doing this to me?" asked the boy in a disturbing manner.
"Do what? I didn't do anything to you.. but.. how can u be here when I'm already here?" i replied his question with my own uncertainty.

"It doesn't matter whether we're rite here together or not, but why must you live your life this way.. easy-going and reckless, have u ever thought about being someone useful? Have u ever cared about yourself? Have u ever cared about ME?" he asked while his eyes began to wet.

"I'm sorry, I really am.. but things haven't turned out the way I expected. Please don't cry, I'm not a bad person.. I'm trying my hardest and my best to achieve my goals in life, but it's not as easy as it seems.." i replied in the calmest way i could, but in the end i had to take my handkerchief to wipe off his tears.

"Dah, dah.. jgn nangis ok? Bas dah sampai, jom naik sama2. I'll follow u wherever u wana go.." as i pulled him into the bus, and we set at the back row. He sat beside me, in sorrows, disappointed and depressed. Not a single joke can make him laugh, not even the most delicious cake intimidates him at all.. for he has lost faith in life the moment he saw me a few minutes ago.

"Adik, abg sedar kenapa adik sedih.. tp adik kena tabah hati, sabar dgn qada' dan qadar ilahi, percayalah ckp abg. Abg sendiri dah menempuhi pelbagai dugaan drp tuhan sendiri, yg pahit seketika mahupun yg pedih selamanya.. Di masa depan kelak nanti, adik akan mempunyai seorg kekasih yg nyata di dlm hati adik, adik mmg sayang sgt kat dia dan adik sanggup buat apa saja utk dia, tp setelah lama bersama dgn dia.. suatu hari nanti dia akan meninggalkan adik utk org lain.. di situ adik akan mula melalui saat2 pahit derita hidup, kehilangan seorg yg dicintai.." i told him as i myself began to feel a bit sad.

"Abg syg lg kat dia ke?" he asked me.

"Masih lg adik, tp jgn jadikan kegagalan itu punca kita tidak meneruskan hidup. Abg percaya, apabila tuhan menarik sesuatu drp kita, nescaya tuhan akan turunkan sesuatu jgn berlipat ganda lg baik utk kita di masa hadapan, insya' Allah.." i replied to him as i hugged him, lean him against me.

"Adik tak nak lah kawan dgn dia.. dia buat jahat kat abg.." he said in a manja way.

"Hehe, adik adik.. nnt adik akan paham. Anyway, adik syg kat mama kan? Adik tau kan mama mmg syg sgt kat adik sbb adik la satu2nya anak laki mama.."

"Mestilah syg, mama baik sgt.. dia slalu jaga adik, semua org ckp mama bg adik jadik hensem kat skolah.." as he smiled and began to feel a lil' bit happy.

"Adik, abg nak pesan pada adik.. tlg jaga mama elok2. Abg dgn adik pun tau kan, mama seorg yg rajin buat keje kat umah. Tapi kan adik, ckp sama mama jgn buat keje byk sgt, doktor ada bgtau abg yg marah nih ada darah tinggi.. dan adik jgn sedih bila abg bgtau yg.. nnt di masa depan, mama kena heart attack.. tp alhamdulillah, mama diselamatkan oleh doktor2 kat hospital.."

"Mama masuk hospital?!! Mama nnt nak tinggalkan adik ke??!" suddenly he began to cry again..

"Tak tak, dlm dunia abg.. mama masih ada, tp mama letih sgt. Adik kena slalu tlg mama ok? Janji dgn abg tau.. adik gi skolah belajar rajin2, tlg mama kat umah selalu, dan jgn bagi mama marah.. jgn lawan sekali pun apa yg mama ckp ok?"

"Ok abg, adik janji.. tp abg pun kena janji dgn adik tau.." he looked at me straight in the eyes, and made a deal..

"Janji apa adik?"

"Abg jgn main2 bila dah tua, abg pergi la carik keje atau study balik betul2.. adik tgk abg nih mcm tak serious dlm hidup. Abg tak syg adik ke? Adik sedih kalau tgk nnt adik membesar jd mcm abg skarang.." he was a bit mad but he meant every word he said.

As soon as we set the deal, the bus stopped. To my surprise, it stopped right in front of my old house back in Petaling Jaya. The old cars are still there, the swing is still new, and my 7th bday present skateboard is already there by the shoe rack..

"Adik balik dulu, abg.. adik janji akn jaga mama elok2.. abg promise dgn adik td, ok?" as he stepped down from the bus and waved goodbye.

"Abg janji adik, abg janji.."

And there goes my dream, perfectly ended to the sound of my alarm clock at 9am. The room was very cold. i switched off my air-cond, i can see the day was already bright from my windows, i yawned for the day and my hands began to clear my eyes.. i felt damped spot on my pillow and tear drops on my cheeks. it was the 1st time in my life, that..

I cried in my dream.